Getting to know yourself is an exciting adventure. It is a discovery process that should be done with utmost care and under ideal conditions. Find a place where you'll be relaxed and comfortable. Then try this exercise in imagination.

Picture a lake on a beautiful day. The water sparkles in the bright sunlight; it's crystal clear and the surface is undisturbed. As you walk along the shore, stoop down to pick up a warm, smooth rock. Now throw it far into the center of the lake. Suddenly, the glassy surface of the water has been transformed into patterns of concentric rings emanating from where your rock entered. The ripples follow an undisturbed path from the center to the shoreline.

If the rock you tossed into the lake represents your core, your innermost "Identity", then the rings emanating from it are the "Roles" you perform in life.

To understand these two words - "Identity" and "Role" - consider that each of us is, at the same time, a unique individual and yet an integral part of a fairly uniform social order. If you were forever alone, never associating with another person, you would always be the person you see yourself to be. That person - your Identity - is composed of only those things you have learned to be or feel: values, beliefs, principles, desires, self-image, and emotions. You would be like the rock resting on the lake shore, stirring no water, sending out no vibration or waves.

Once the rock is tossed into the water - once you enter the social order - the rings and ripples begin to emanate. You begin to project or adopt Roles that vary, slightly or extremely, from your true Identity. Role-playing is a necessary function of social living. Instead of being "the me I think I am", you may sometimes - even often - find it expedient to be "the me I want others to think I am." This relationship between Identity and Roles is known in psychology as the I/R Theory.

As a child, the Roles you adopted were uncomplicated: son or daughter, student, playmate. But as you grew older, your Roles became more numerous and more complex: spouse, parent, friend, neighbor, employee, boss, community leader, and so on. More and more rings made their way from your rock to the shoreline.

If you had been left alone, you would have developed a fixed, undisturbed Identity and could travel through life with a consistent relationship between your Identity and all your Roles. But you are not alone. It's as though there are other people standing around the lake, tossing in rocks, sending out their own rings which intersect with yours. Sometimes others' rings are so strong that they completely override yours; at other times their rings follow the same path as yours. It becomes difficult to distinguish your rings (your Roles) from those of others, and the resulting confusion makes it difficult for you to clearly identify the relationship between your true Identity and your adopted Roles.

Your Identity has a direct bearing on how you perform in your Roles. If the two are in harmony with reality, you will probably be productive. However, if they are inconsistent, you may experience frustration, stress, and dissatisfaction, and you may be unproductive.

You perceive reality during every waking moment. You take in information and evaluate it, and it becomes part of your Identity. Parents and teachers instruct you, friends tell you about their experiences, and the media "informs" you. Whatever portion of their information you believe to be true becomes part of your Identity. Your perception of reality is also affected by your physiological makeup, your capabilities, and your limitations. What you believe you can and cannot do becomes part of your Identity.

You were an I-10 (Identity - a perfect 10) when you started life. However, during your school years there was no room on your report card for Identity achievement, only for Role achievement. You were led to believe you needed to jump a series of bars to prove your worth. As time went on, you confused Role-failure with Identity-failure. You were not told that Role-failure (or Role-success, for that matter) only measured how well you were doing in those acquired roles, not your worth as a human being.

How do you return to I-10? The answer is attitude. Attitude is the single ingredient that above all else determines your self-image. Those who see themselves as
I-10's expect to win, want to win, strive to win, and say, "I will not be denied."
I-10's have self-confidence, self-assurance, and a no-limits belief in themselves.

Do not get the idea that merely wishing can make it so. There is a great deal of difference between a wisher and a winner. You can perform in your Roles only at a level consistent with how you see yourself. If you see your Identity as a middle of the pack (I-5), you will only perform in your Roles between a 4 and a 6.